You are a real source of help for the psychotic person. Your calm, kind, steady presence is their greatest hope for recovery, since it will most likely be the only one they encounter. But first you must know some basic points:
A. The psychotic person has lost control of what is real because they cannot control the pictures or thoughts in their mind. This, of course, means that the path to improvement is a step-by-step rehabilitation of their ability to once again control their own pictures and thoughts. Anything that accomplishes this, even in tiny increments, is real help.
B. To the degree that you can help them re-establish what is real, without you telling them what is real, is the degree to which you can help them recover.
To help you improve the mental and emotional condition of your friend or loved one, here are the NEVER rules:
1. You must NEVER tell them what is real or unreal.
2. You must NEVER argue with them. It doesn’t work.
3. You must NEVER correct them or challenge their ideas.
4. You must NEVER diagnose or tell them what is wrong, or that they are wrong. It is not helpful.
5. You must NEVER engage in discussion of their symptoms. That will introvert them.
6. You must NEVER analyze them. Just like you do not want to be analyzed.
7. You must NEVER shout or yell at them. Remember, there is already an inner whirlwind they are handling.
8. You must NEVER punish them. It is not effective and serves to exacerbate symptoms.
9. Unless they are harming you, themselves, or someone else, you must NEVER restrain them or physically hurt them.
10. You must NEVER sympathize with them, but be effective instead.
Why All of These Rules?
The psychotic person has a traffic jam in their head that is louder than the other things they can hear, louder and more distracting than present time. When you add your own noise to that, it adds to the very mess you are working to undo.
Why Can’t I Correct Something That is Crazy?
Just as you would not like to be told that what is real for you is not real, or that you are nutty, or that you do not know what you are talking about, neither does your confused loved one.
It seems right to correct someone or quiz someone when they tell you odd things like: drug dealers stole their car last night, or red men are dancing in front of them, or Satan is their father. The tempting response is, “Are you sure?” or “That’s not true,” or “Honey there are no drug dealers around here.” But that will not help. It will only serve to create mistrust. The helpful response will be, “Okay,” or, “That is interesting,” or “Really? Wow.” Yes, as strange as it may seem, be respectful of their communication, but without validating the psychosis. At first it may feel awkward, but with practice you will see it is effective in improving the level of calm and reality around both of you. And creating calm and reality will lead to improvement.
Establish a listening and non-judgmental relationship. Even if it seems odd to accept and respond rationally to the strange ideas you are hearing, this will help your loved one trust you and see you as real. In their world, filled with uncontrollable mental motion and problems, you are their gateway to calm. Being that gateway may be the hardest job you ever do. But I know you can do it.
A Cautionary Note
Be careful. Not always, but sometimes, the psychotic person’s pictures or ideas will contain an irrational command to hurt you. If you are concerned, have a third person with you whenever possible, until you are comfortable.
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